The dreaded months

January and February, the dreaded months.  For the past 11years (yes, since the advent of my stay-at-home venture) the first two months of the year, the coldest  and hardest that winter brings, have been my nemesis.  They hit me like a ton of bricks with their bitter cold and snowy landscapes punctuated by little other than the occasional bird or fence post standing like a sentinel against the cold.  Emotionally they magnify any feeling of depression, anxiety and restlessness that has been lurking around the periphery of my mind.

This year, I think that the shock of the weather in  Texas along with a few other details combined to create the perfect emotional storm.  However, this year, I am not going to allow this storm to hold me hostage, holding out for the first whiffs of spring that one is allowed to imagine are in the air come March.  No, this year, I was wise enough to take stock of my situation and realise a few crucial details about my personality that need feeding if I am to make it through this season.

The first of these details is that there is a part of me that is very extroverted and, if not fed, I begin to wither and melt into a puddle of sadness.  Therefore, I have to get together with people; chance encounters in the grocery store just don't cut it anymore!  So, I am stepping out of the proverbial comfort zone and phoning people just to talk or check if they want to come over for tea.

I also realised that I was waiting on Dave to approve our social life.  What do I mean?  Dave works in an intensely social job.  For eight hours of the day he is surrounded by thirty thirteen-year-olds who genuinely like him and want to be with him.  They want to be teased by him, confide in him, play sports with him and be mentored by him.  Not to mention the discipline.  In a small school like ours, he teaches them every single subject except for French.  His lunch hours are short and often taken up with meetings, clubs and volunteer activities.  Sometimes these students are at our door for a chat or
for extra tutoring.  We both love his job and are extremely thankful for it.  Nevertheless, by the end of the day and especially the week, he is socially spent.  I, however, am not.

My week has been spent in near isolation waiting for the activity of the weekend and the chance to see someone, anyone.  For 11 years these two solitudes have been colliding on Friday evenings.  It is only  this year that I have begun to realise that I have got to do something about this.  So, I am.  I had foolishly thought that I needed to keep our schedule ultra-quiet for Dave's sake so that he could recharge for his work week.  I did this at my expense.  While noble and self-sacrificial on a very low level, as the saying goes (and Dave is apt to quote), if momma ain't happy, ain't no one happy.  So, we are finding a happier medium.

This happier medium is comprised of my new understanding that Dave really doesn't mind staying at
home with all the kids, or some of them, while I go out to a friend's house or to a social function.  In fact, he quite likes it.  As well, he really doesn't mind when I arrange a date for us, either just the two of us or with friends.  We have both realised that, in my dad's words, sometimes we just need to go out even when we don't feel like it.  The proof is in the pudding:  even when I haven't slept well the night before, I still feel better going out than having stayed in the house bemoaning my situation.

An example?   This weekend our friends at the local Catholic college needed some people to help serve their winter semi-formal dinner and dance.  I suggested that Dave could round up some of his students, both past and present.  We found three girls willing to serve tables and wash dishes but we still needed more.  So, I volunteered myself and Jacob and Hannah.  The twins are terribly excited, they get to dress up, spend an evening out, watch the students swing dance and stay up late.  Wait, are those my sentiments or theirs?  Also, my ulterior  motive is that these three grade-nine girls are going to be exposed to a far different culture than they are used to at the high school dances.  These are three girls whose strength of character is beginning to show.  They are at that critical point in life where they are deciding whether or not to throw themselves into drinking, sexual activity and the
culture of death.  Thankfully, they have eyes to see through the photos posted on Facebook and the condoms in health class.  So, on Saturday night, perhaps they will glimpse a little bit of the culture of life.  (It helps that some of the Academy boys are very good looking.)

Anyway, that is the plan for now.  We shall see how it works.