"Men of few words are the best sort of men." (Shakespeare)
"Love needs few words. It only needs will."
I read these two quotes on Holy Experience today. They and the accompanying pictures set me into a fit of tears for two reasons: I am not a woman of few words and spend much of my talking time wishing that I would be quiet; but, Dave is a man of few words - very few.
He is also a man of extraordinary love and will. The sort of love and will that when combined lend themselves to heroic sacrifice. I have no doubt that he would die for me or for any of our children. I am not so sure about whether I would.
When I first brought Dave home nine years ago one April my mother apparently asked my father, "Is that all there is to him?" My dad, sensing the truth of the 'still waters run deep' maxim, answered, "He's a simple country boy, love. He's not complex." The problem is that I have been trained to equate complexity with depth of character. The two do not belong in the same equation.
There have been numerous times over our eight years that I have wondered about his depth, about what goes on in his head, about his thoughts, dreams and feelings. It was only recently that I began to realise that he doesn't need to voice the rumblings upstairs in the same way that I do; he simply lives them.
He is a man of noble character; a Catholic man in the truest sense; a husband who lays down his life daily for his wife; and a father who leads his family with unspoken courage, strength and vision.
He has little need to be understood or to impress and I am truly amazed that he chose me whose character stands in such opposition to his own. He truly is a St. Joseph and, hopefully, I can grow more like that holy man's wife.
6 comments:
So much wisdom in that post, Elena.
Dave serves his family in his heart and in his actions, not with a continual stream of words. When he works at night it's not because he loves working, it's because he is driven to do good for his family.
He won't be apt to share all his feelings and insecurities; that's not to say he doesn't have them. A man doesn't show too much weakness. he knows his family depends on his strength. His anxieties are likely about the health and wellbeing of his family, and not about whether he's turning grey or loosing his hair (which he is. No, wait, that's me.)
I love this post, Elena. My husband is much like yours in being the "strong, silent type". I am much like you in the being talkative department. Somehow, the combination works, and I'm grateful - for both our sakes - it does.
Oh boy, did I say that about Dave? I am so sorry, Dave, what a shallow remark.
The only thing I remember when I first met Dave, was that I met both him and Craig at the same time. They were on the same NET team and, since Craig was the talkative one, I was surprised that Dave was the leader.
But I figured that someone knew what they were doing when they made that decision, so my first impression of someone who didn't say much and therefore judging that he didn't have much to say, was certainly off the mark.
In the past nine years, I have since grown to know him a little more and he is one FINE man.
"he has little need to be understood..."
I found this the most moving statement in an altogether beautiful post.
Whenever I pray the prayer of St. Francis, I am always terrified by the part that says: "O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to love as to be loved," I always want to be understood, consoled, coddled, really.
I think it's a testament to Dave's strength that he doesn't seek this but looks to your needs and those of your children instead.
Thank you for your beautiful witness in married life! Happy anniversary!
I too remember meeting Dave for the first time. I liked him, instantly, and I recall thinking that I'd never have picked him out for you but that, actually, he was PERFECT for you. Perfect. And we all know what a fine judge of male character I am. (Ha ha, just kidding. Actually when it comes to OTHER people's choices, I can see quite clearly.)
I wouldn't know about that whole "man of few words" thing, though.
I must say that your post brought a tear to my eye and I thought what a blessing both of you are in my life...and that is cool considering the distance! I pray you a blessed year and a most blessed life together. You are my greatest example of the vocation to married life - thanks because that is not easy to find these days.
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