Told you there was a video

Lots of Pictures Because Joseph is Two

Joseph turned two on Saturday. He marked the day with cake, ice cream and a much practised skill of raising his hand, carefully folding down three fingers and joyfully saying, "Two." Although it sounds more like do, we all know what he's getting at. Any of you unfamiliar with a second birthday might be interested to know that such a birthday means next to nothing to he who has gained the year. However, if the birthday boy happens to be at the end of a run of four children, any birthday means everything to those who came before. After all, if you're not getting presents, at least your younger (slightly unaware) sibling (who happens to nap for most of the afternoon leaving any gifts unguarded) is on the receiving end of a variety of fun and ooh-I-can't-wait-to-get-my-hands-on-those presents. Here he is entering the room with much pomp and circumstance. Yes, he always wears those pajamas - he refuses any others. "Oh, a card." "And a backpack filled with books and trains."

"Oh, look, my older brother has stolen the books while attempting to look like a version of Michael J. Fox circa 1989." (He turned up the collar himself, folks. The raised eyebrow is courtesy of my maternal grandmother.)

Ah, yes, Thomas. What little boy's life would be complete without the smiling blue train?

And a Band in Box. Made in China. The skin on the tambourine broke within 15 minutes of de-boxing.

Bu the triangle is virtually indestructible.

And so are the cymbals.

Pizza is also good for birthdays; especially for birthday boys who failed to sleep the night before their birthdays leaving their mothers so tired that anything other than takeout is unthinkable. Yes, it's all true.

But at least I'm charming and, although blond, I have inherited my mother's propensity to smile with two eyes of varying sizes.

And here's the highlight. This bottle cake was Hannah's idea. Yes (oh, the shame), Joseph still takes (well, more like relishes) a bottle. Thus, Hannah thought it would be funny to see what he would think of a cake topped by a bottle. Would he take the bottle or the cake? You'll have to wait for the video.

He enjoyed both. You might say they were the perfect combination.

Thank you very much.

Tricks of the Trade

Can I tell you a secret? Yes? No, it has nothing to do with Benjamin wearing distinctly feminine hats.

But, it has everything to do with reading.

Because, if your six year olds can read with fluency and gusto...

When it comes to bedtime, you too could be drinking tea ...

Because...

You've delegated yourself...

Right out of the job!

How About Some Pictures?

These pictures are slightly outdated (mid-October) but I owe you something, don't I? Thank God for our double jogger (purchased 6 six years ago and still running); throughout those six years it has alternated between a second vehicle, a child restrainer, a tantrum stopper, and a grocery carrier. It has stood up amazingly well considering its $250 price tag and it four-season use. If I could pay it some sort of homage, I would.

By the way, these pictures are from the big city where child restraint was definitely called for. On every trip to the big city I am reminded that my children are quite obviously small-town kids: What do you mean everyone isn't friendly? Hannah, stop staring at their hair! Jacob, those are streetlights - they need to be obeyed! Benjamin, cars move fast - you don't. Yes, the buildings are tall.

These shots were taken at the 40 Days for Life vigil. Our children really do lounge on cement walls, drink voluminous bottles, wear two sets of stripes and pick gum off the ground at all protests of social significance.

And just to prove that we are completely normal (well, sort of)- here we are at McDonald's. At least they're drinking white milk... A small digression: Jacob really doesn't like the GAP sweatshirt that he is wearing. I think that his feelings have something to do with the product label emblazoned on his front. The first time he was made to wear it, he said, "What is this thing they call GAP?" Indeed.

Mommy attempting to get in the picture.

Back home proving that Benjamin can sleep anywhere.

Hannah proving that, at some point during the past month, she once again stole the camera. Note the look of self satisfaction: "At six years of age, I have already outwitted my mother on several occasions." The beginning of the end...

Joseph attempting to start an eyewear trend similar to that caused by Sarah Palin's specs.
The End.

For your viewing pleasure

Don't worry, Joseph is still around.

Funny things I've overheard lately

1. Joseph and Benjamin were in the backyard this morning waiting for me to hustle my buns and take them for a walk. While I tied my shoes, I overheard Benjamin speaking to our dog, Sammy while passing him a ball.
"Sammy, throw it! Throw the ball!"
When that didn't work, he switched tactics, "Sammy, kick the ball! Kick it!"
Maybe I should take them to a playgroup.

2. As Jacob and Hannah crest the six-year old hill on their way to maturity, their arguments have become slightly more involved than the standard, "Noooooo!!!! Mommy!!!!! He hit me." In fact, the other day I overheard this one:
"Hannah, you are always ordering me around!"
To which Hannah replied, "No I'm not! I can't order you around because I don't even know what that means!"
So, there.

3. Benjamin has a favourite baseball cap that he wears at every possible moment. It has a scene of Winnie-the-Pooh and Tigger going on safari emblazoned above its peak. Benjamin calls this hat his Poonie-the-Pooh hat. We haven't had the heart to tell him otherwise and we now call Benjamin Poonie.

4. Jacob, while proving to be an excellent reader, struggles with his printing. I feel for the guy as my writing is barely legible and a constant source of friction between me and my beloved. So, I had to laugh when Hannah told me the other day that their teacher had remarked that Jacob's printing had improved. I asked what had happened to ameliorate the chicken scrawl and Hannah replied without batting a lash, "Oh, Mrs. B. gave him a left-handed pencil."

5. I think that I've mentioned before that Benjo is a bit of an introvert. However, lately he has been making valiant efforts to come out of his shell. For the past six months or so he apparently decided that, when in public, it would be good to have a stock phrase that he can pull out of his hat. He usually manages this one greeting and then retreats behind the body parts of the closest family member. He began his foray into extroversion with the classic, "Hi, I'm Benjamin. This is my brother, Jo-Jo." He then moved on to the slightly more interesting, "I go to the farm tomorrow. Grandpa rides on the tractor." While providing information regarding his grand-paternity as well as his agricultural affinity, this phrase did prove confusing as an opening line. Thus, he has settled on a new ice-breaker which was undoubtedly inspired by a find he made in Grandpa's barn, "Last night Grandpa cut off the deer's head." Surprisingly, he has met with a great deal of success with this latest opener. On Monday, we were buying Christmas lights at the local hardware store when I heard him approach the man at the paint counter and tell him about Grandpa and the deer's head. The paint man looked up with interest and replied, "I did that too last night." I think we've found a winner.

Hikes, Hips and Hunting

Last Sunday was an absolutely beautiful day so we decided that we would head to the farm and take up Grandpa Mike on his offer to bring us up the mountain. The mountain is really a glorified hill covered in bush but we still call it the mountain and my muscles agree (and this is Friday). We rode the first half of our trek on the wagon behind the tractor - about 1 mile. We then walked the second mile. Joseph was not content to walk but demanded that I carry him. I did. Thus, the throbbing pain in right hip still present five days later.

Jacob insisted on collecting rocks in a reusable grocery bag. He also placed the apples for the picnic he had scheduled in the same bag. Thus, when we stopped to rest and eat our fruit, only one apple was still edible and we discovered that the orange that he had packed was really an orange-coloured lemon. His plans were completely demolished and the deer were left with a tasty find for later in the day.

As you can imagine, Jacob's bag of rocks got heavier and heavier as his collection grew. It was at the really heavy point that he asked if I could carry them as well as Joseph. I didn't.

Eventually, Joseph decided that being ambulatory might be fun and I got my first break before I carried Benjamin back down the mountain. Nevertheless, Joseph was still insistent that I carry him. So, Dave actually had to run down the mountain while holding Joseph and simultaneously raspberrying Joe's stomach so that he would stop crying about his momless state. Dave's hip is not hurting.

This is Joseph who either wants to see the picture on the camera or wants up. Probably both.

Benjamin - I don't know what he is doing. But let's pretend he is eating wintergreen because later on Grandpa found some and we all tasted it and said, "Hey, this tastes just like wintergreen gum." Out of touch with the land?

A somewhat imposing picture of Dave. Always smiling. I am sitting, thus, the angle.

A towering Grandpa. His attire is testament to his efforts to leave behind any vestiges of his professional career as an accountant. And, by the way, it's deer hunting season. This explains the orange vest. The rest of us are not similarly attired because we are expendable... No, actually the men to whom Grandpa gives permission to hunt on the mountain are fundamentalist Christians and don't hunt on Sundays. Therefore, the day of the Lord is somewhat safe on Blueberry Mountain.

Hannah, who, even if there had been an orange vest for her, would have refused it for fashionista reasons. Hot pink is just as good.

As you can see, Hannah successfully dodged the wearing of the orange toque. Her brother didn't.

High up on the mountain there is a beaver pond. Grandpa is pointing out the beaver house and Dave is about to save Joseph from an icy plunge.

Me, while no one was looking, taking pictures of myself. Note the kids are catching up with the under eyes.

Ahhh, this one's better. It's only taken 32 years to lose the pudgy baby face.

At Last, Some Movies

These clips are from back in mid-October. Ironically, it is actually warmer now, mid-November, than it was for most of October. This is because I have been daily petitioning God to hold off on the snow until December - really, it is. Anyway, the twins had a soccer tournament at the local public school where they played a total of three (?) ten-minute games. I have no idea who won. I do know that Jacob played centre and Hannah played defense. Dave said that Hannah was probably defense as her teacher could trust her to stay in position. Our little girl was actually quite zealous about guarding the net as she remained almost immobile for the greater part of the game (except for her fabulous save in Video no.2). Jacob was greatly involved in trying to handle the ball, slightly off-target in regard to the net and more than zealous about playing the majority of the game off field. Oh, yes, he also learned how to complain to the referee about being pushed and shoved... It still amazes me how their personalities are exactly as they were in the womb...

And, for purposes of identification - Jacob is wearing the orange shirt - ha, ha. No, really, he is wearing orange with dark pants and a dark green hoody under the orange t-shirt. Hannah is the girl with the fuchsia hoody who is attempting to escape the cold deep within the confines of her sweatshirt' s hood.

Halos, Hallowe'en and Hijabs

I have to confess. I have been procrastinating with a Halloween post. My delay is largely the result of a camera that decided that November, being the month of the dead, would be an appropriate time to kick the bucket. I tried several attempts to revive the device but, alas, I soon found the do-not-resuscitate document and said good-bye to our relationship. Thus, I am shutterless and was so on the Eve of All Hallows. Therefore, I will describe in letters what you will miss in digital.
The kids trick or treated the first half of the evening and spent the latter half at a Saints party at our church. Consequently, we needed two costumes for each child. This is not an easy task for a mama. Nevertheless, I devised eight outfits; although Joseph turned his nose up at the Saints party (in tribute to his Texan uncle) and celebrated the remainder of the evening in his crib with a bottle. So, if I had pictures and were to describe the Halowe'en finery, the description would sound something like the following.
Jacob began the evening dressed as a pirate. As he prepared to leave to go door-to-door he realised that he had lost his patch, sword and sash somewhere within the confines of our home. Prayers to St. Anthony and a mad dash around the toy room produced the remainder of the costume.
(Earlier in the week, Jacob, who is prone to finding the easy way out, wondered if there was a pirate who had had a massive conversion and become a Saint so that he wouldn't have to shed his piratical gear later in the evening. Neither Dave nor I could think of a Saint who had followed such a course (although, who knows what to expect of Johnny Depp?); however, Hannah piped in that Grandpa Nick had probably once been a pirate... Hmmm.)
Hannah dressed as an angel - entirely in white with wings and a halo and looked, well, heavenly. Benjamin donned his pengolin (penguin) costume although he was adamant about wearing his baseball cap along with the black and white. And, with Benjamin, there are some battles one chooses not to fight.
Joseph was not going to go trick or treating until Daddy left with his three older siblings and he, realising that he was on the wrong side of the door, began to voice his opposition to distributing candy. Luckily Dave had only made it next door and I called him back while trying to force Joseph into a lamb costume. He would have none of it so he went as a Canadian kid in October. While the rest of the family collected horrible food that I will have to throw out when they are not looking, I mean, Hallowe'en treats, I answered the door and finished the Saint costumes. Now, this was our first Hallowe'en in this house and, I am told, we live in a slightly ritzy area of town- fondly known as Mortgage-Hill Drive. (Please keep in mind that housing in a small town is far cheaper than in the city.) Well, who knew that it was the cost of Hallowe'en and not the house payments that would prove our financial downfall. As the evening darkened, the mini vans began to pull in until the street was lined with vans and the asphalt was crawling with parentally-monitored bats, ghosts, pirates and skeletons. The amount of people who came to my door who lived over 30 minutes away was astonishing. For the first time in my life I will shop the flyers for Hallowe'en candy. Dave actually had to ransack the kids' loot in order to keep the shop running. Once the kids arrived back, Dave took over the front-door duties and I dressed our kids in their cassocks and wimples.
Jacob and Hannah are twins so of course I had to send them as the Holy Twins - St. Benedict and St. Scholastica. They wore black altar server robes with black cinctures and both carried books (made from a Pampers box) that said "The Holy Rule" as well as feather pens. Jacob wore a black pirate hat with the skull and cross bones removed and Hannah wore a black slip on her head with a white hat underneath to look like a wimple. Gee whiz, I sure wish I had pictures ... especially since Jacob had a t-shirt, a sweatshirt and a dress shirt underneath his cassock; thus, with the addition of the cincture around his waist he looked like a very short and very corpulent pre-Vatican II priest. Hannah's robe was two sizes too big and the result was a waifish little Saint who looked slightly confused each time she glanced at her name card because she was convinced that she was St. Elastica (who must be the patron saint of heavy metal). They really were quite the pair.
Benjamin wore his lamb costume of last year's Fall line and I tried to simultaneously pass him off as the Lamb of God and the symbol for St. Agnes. Yup, you guessed it, I dressed up as St. Agnes and, as I mentioned, tried to carry Benjamin as my lamb but, as always, my plan failed and when I looked in the mirror and saw my pants sticking out from underneath my long robe and my hair covered by a velvet head scarf I realised that I looked far more like Benazir Bhutto than any Saint of Catholic origin.
So, there you go. Dave and Joseph stayed home and I and the kids-come-Saints hightailed it to the church where I proved to be the only adult in costume unless you count our local naturopath who was wearing a halo. I got distracted talking to other mothers, the kids played every game until the bitter end (games such as Extinguish the Flames of Sin in which one shoots a water pistol at a tray filled with burning candles - satisfying the pyromaniac in us all; and Snakes and Rosaries in which Jacob claims he beat every other kid to heaven), they reaped the sugary rewards of their game playing and ate far too much of the sweet stuff. We came home, went to bed and, from around 3am onwards, they threw up their winnings. So much for the extra hour of sleep with the time change. All in all, they had a great time and haven't asked for candy since. The End.

November Blues

Yesterday on my radio station of choice the call-in subject was how to cope with November. Sigh.
November: that dark and cloudy month; that in-between time after the colours of Fall and the beginning of the Snow; the start of the ever-darkening evenings; that pre-Christmas February.

Funny how the two hardest (for many) months of the year are also two of the shortest - small graces. I remember when I first found out that I was pregnant with Joseph I did the math and came up with a due date of November 24th ... and I was disappointed.
"Oh, the poor child, "I thought, " maybe he'll make it to December."
But he didn't and was born two days short of the Christmas month. His birth changed November for me (slightly) as I now had something to celebrate in the midst of the greyness; but it does take 28 days until we eat birthday cake.

Despite my lament, the first few days of November have been decidedly un-November like. Although the temperature hasn't risen above 5 degrees (Celsius) it hasn't fallen below the freezing mark either. As well it has been surprisingly sunny and bright for the last three days. During our morning walk, I said a quiet prayer of thanksgiving for the beauty of the day and then I looked at the road and saw a snowplough ... followed by a second snowplough. Sigh.