Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Twelve Days of Christmas
My mother said to me last night that I am always happy on 'the blog'. At first, I felt sort of badly about this as anyone who talks to me on the phone regularly certainly knows that I have my share of heartaches, tears, frustrations and anger. However, the more I pondered this, the more I thought of my Dad's advice which has always been to handle life with a (very) good dose of humour. I think that the blog is my attempt to do just that. I must admit that this part of the blogosphere has become almost therapeutic for me. It is an antidote to loneliness, the need to write, and the necessity of maintaining contact with loved ones. It has also become a diary of sorts. When I first saw this video on Conversion Diary I automatically connected with this family as, even though we only have four, we have faced ALL of those questions and (tried to) answer them with humour. So, to those who have already seen this video, enjoy it again, and to those who haven't, enjoy it for the first time.
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7 comments:
I know you have met people who say"Better you than me." To be honest I have to agree with that comment somehow. I'd like to know how all these kids will get a post secondary education without being in debt with OSAP loans or the equivalent depending on where they live. Don't we know some who are in their 30's who are still paying? I do and they can't seem to get ahead. Life is tough enough without saddling kids with impossible and/or difficult debts. I simply don't see the fairness in that.
Mary, I know plenty of kids who are in their 30s and still paying off debts who come from quite small families. I also know plenty of others who are from quite large families and have no debt to their names because they have found other ways to attend school or have gone into professions that don't require extensive schooling. Rebecca and I had zero help with education. Because of that, we worked our butts off to get scholarships and jobs that could shore up the finances. Neither of us came out with any debt. And we certainly valued our educations. Many of those who went to school at the same time as me frittered away their parents' financial help on beer, parties and indecision. They often ended up saddled with debt when their parents pulled the cash flow.
The other question is that of who should really be attending university. Far too many people have come to believe that post-secondary education is the way to go. The result is meaningless BAs and dumb-downed universities. Most of the kids who are going to university shouldn't actually be there. For example, there is nothing wrong with a trade. In fact, most trades pay great wages and are in desperate need of more workers.
I think that the greater point is that we live in a world where children are considered a liability. People are happy when the first and second come but, after that, the scolding fingers and tsks come out in full force. This is a viewpoint that is very modern and would have been anathema to the generations that preceded us. Therefore, we should ask ourselves if that viewpoint is correct.
This is not to say that everyone should have big families. No, rather it is a challenge to all of us who frown at a large family or feel that it is our business to judge them. We should actually look to the fruit that comes out of a family - big or small. (And, yes of course there are unhappy large families.)
Dave and I agree that one mustn't be stupid with finances and we must be good stewards of what we have. This in fact is responsible parenthood. However, we are told by most of the western world that two kids is the limit and most of us never question why. I'm just saying that maybe we need to ask ourselves if the way we are doing things is actually beneficial to our families and, ultimately, our civilization.
Well, I wish we had had a bigger family. Gosh, now the kids are gone and living so far away, we don't have anyone coming home for Sunday dinner. We only get to see our children and grandchildren once or twice a year. If we had more kids, we would have more company now in our senior years.
Some of the nicest kids I know come from a family of ten children; the parents don't have very much even now at age 69; but the kids are marvellous, raised with wonderful values and close to each other too.
I kind of envy that. I have heard it said "the best thing you can give your children is siblings". I think that is so true. Julie
I'm with you, Elena - only 3 kids in our family, but we got no financial help for school. I had a very small amount of debt when I graduated (after 6 years), but only because I wasn't so wise with my money.
When I recently saw my GP to discuss my current pregnancy, he said "So you're done after this one, right?" Huh? Um, NO. His logic was that we should only have 2 because university is too expensive and we'd never manage. Well, we've already set up an education fund for Norah and I believe that ANY help we can give her is valuable, even if we can't foot the whole bill.
In response to "How many do you plan to have?" I always reply "At least 3 - likely more." My only (and I do mean ONLY) hesitations regarding wanting a larger family is because of my age and the fact that I will always require c-sections. When people say they want only 1 or 2 for "lifestyle reasons" I say that I want more because of different "lifestyle reasons". The lifestyle I (and Francis) want is one of a busy house full of love and friendship, if not material things.
speaking as someone who spent several years teaching college i totally agree with Elena that many (if not most) students should not be there. either they aren't ready or college is just not the place for them. i hope that my children know that they have choices and don't HAVE to go to college/grad school just because mom and dad did.
Jaclyn, i felt moved to respond to something you mentioned in your comment... we just had our second (my second, his fourth, and all four live with us), and i would love to have more. (hate pregnancy but ADORE babies!) but like you i must have c-sections, and have been advised that the risks go up after three. that, and i'm 34. so it makes me nervous. not sure why i'm rambling, just commiserating i guess.
(Elena, check out the timestamp on this comment -- can you believe my newborn is actually sleeping and i have INSOMNIA?? aaargh!)
Rebecca
Funny that this is the post that has produced the most comments. Jaclyn, your comment about your GP makes me very happy that we live where we do and have such a sympathetic GP. She herself has four children and described the pregnancy announcments this way, "When we announced no. 1, everybody was ecstatic. With no.2 there was a similar reaction. No. 3 brought raised eyebrows and congratulations. When we announced no.4 people reacted like we had just told them that we were having a baby with 2 heads." She said that when she brought her fourth home, all she could think was, "We are so blessed. Thank you." She also has a lot of women in her practice who use NFP and have several children. Thus, she doesn't pressure about family size and is happy to keep delivering. When Joseph was born, she kissed me on the cheek and said, "Here's to no.5!" God bless Dr. Mac.
Jac, I also liked your comment about lifestyle choices, that's a good response. For both you and Rebecca, the c-section issue is dicey. I know a few women who have had far more than three but this is definitely up to individual discernment.
Rebecca, I think I probably had insomnia at exactly the same point and I always do around the time when mom arrives because I'm excited at her arrival and because of change in the household. I remember watching Joseph sleep away the night before his baptism as I wrestled with my pillow and eventually everything else in my life!! La nuit blanche, it sucks.
I absolutely identified with this family, and have heard each and every comment made to them, as well as others (such as: have you ever heard of buying a tv? Well now we have one...still gotta sleep..., or how about: is it something in the water?) Ahh, memories. Blessings far outweigh any personal inconvenience, because isn't that often the bottom line? As to education, I tell each of my children to listen to God's direction in their life, because what he wants us to do will be perfect for our life. Maybe it requires much schooling (can't be a doctor without it) and maybe it doesn't (how much schooling did Jesus have anyway?). But God's will is never wrong, and that's what life is all about. As for my family, we have been truly blessed. My husband is a stationary engineer at the University of Ottawa and our children can all attend for free. See how God provides? Now if only one will decide to go...
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