This post has been floating around in my brain for a while and perhaps the morning after a bad night's sleep (sleep, what sleep?) does not promise eloquence, however, I'm going to commit these thoughts to the blogosphere.
I have been thinking a lot about the incredible gift of siblings lately. A lot of this thought is the result of simply observing my own children and their interactions as well as people's reactions to them. Dave and I have often commented that neither of us know what it is like to be part of a group of four children so close in age. Our children are experiencing childhood in a very different way than either of us did and they have so much to teach their parents. I frequently wonder what their relationships will be like as they grow older, "Will J like B? Will H rebel as the mother hen?" A good friend of mine from a family of seven kids said, "In a big family, you have your choice of who to be friends with and that changes depending on what stage you find yourself in. It's a gift."
The fruit of sibling relations might come early or it might only develop later in life as we take on new roles or enter into our particular vocations. This is especially true of me and my sister Rebecca. Through much of our lives we didn't have much in common and often butted heads over major issues and family relations. However, marriage and motherhood changed all that. Who knew that my older sister would become one of my biggest supporters, one of the only people who always seems to understand and have the right word of wisdom or reassurance even though we haven't seen eachother in almost 4 years?
I hope that my children will benefit from such relationships as they grow older. I have faith that they will and that they will find some of their deepest friendships within their own family. They are a blessing to eachother, to us and to others. Each new child is a gift to the family, not just to Mom and Dad but to each brother and sister.
I was especially struck by this truth last weekend when we spent the better part of Saturday morning selling our car to a newly-immigrated couple from Jamaica. They had a beautiful little 18-month old girl and were pretty firmly resolved to have no more. The first time we met them we had the two youngest with us, but on our second meeting we brought the whole crew. We spent a good deal of time together as negotiating price, changing ownership, plates and so on can take up a fair chunk of the day. So, there we were in the Ministry of Transportation with 5 children under 6 trying to stay quiet. (I couldn't help thinking that Dave and I looked like Angelie Jolie and Brad Pitt!) Their daughter was quickly assimilated by our children and fit neatly between Ben and Joe. I could see both of her parents watching the interactions closely. When we parted, the mother said, "Maybe our daughter needs a sibling. Look at the way they play together. Maybe we shouldn't have met you guys!" Who knows? I told her that I hoped they would soon have more than one car seat in their vehicle. I pray that they do.
As I write this, the three oldest are in the basement playing some game devised by Hannah, detailed by Jacob, and followed by Ben. Little Joe is sitting at the gate at the top of the stairs teetering on the edge of the transition between wanting to be with Mommy and wanting to play with his sibs. How blessed he is to have three older children who will soon usher him into their world and who so exuberantly and exemplarly welcomed him into all of our lives.
I better go though, I hear screaming!
I have been thinking a lot about the incredible gift of siblings lately. A lot of this thought is the result of simply observing my own children and their interactions as well as people's reactions to them. Dave and I have often commented that neither of us know what it is like to be part of a group of four children so close in age. Our children are experiencing childhood in a very different way than either of us did and they have so much to teach their parents. I frequently wonder what their relationships will be like as they grow older, "Will J like B? Will H rebel as the mother hen?" A good friend of mine from a family of seven kids said, "In a big family, you have your choice of who to be friends with and that changes depending on what stage you find yourself in. It's a gift."
The fruit of sibling relations might come early or it might only develop later in life as we take on new roles or enter into our particular vocations. This is especially true of me and my sister Rebecca. Through much of our lives we didn't have much in common and often butted heads over major issues and family relations. However, marriage and motherhood changed all that. Who knew that my older sister would become one of my biggest supporters, one of the only people who always seems to understand and have the right word of wisdom or reassurance even though we haven't seen eachother in almost 4 years?
I hope that my children will benefit from such relationships as they grow older. I have faith that they will and that they will find some of their deepest friendships within their own family. They are a blessing to eachother, to us and to others. Each new child is a gift to the family, not just to Mom and Dad but to each brother and sister.
I was especially struck by this truth last weekend when we spent the better part of Saturday morning selling our car to a newly-immigrated couple from Jamaica. They had a beautiful little 18-month old girl and were pretty firmly resolved to have no more. The first time we met them we had the two youngest with us, but on our second meeting we brought the whole crew. We spent a good deal of time together as negotiating price, changing ownership, plates and so on can take up a fair chunk of the day. So, there we were in the Ministry of Transportation with 5 children under 6 trying to stay quiet. (I couldn't help thinking that Dave and I looked like Angelie Jolie and Brad Pitt!) Their daughter was quickly assimilated by our children and fit neatly between Ben and Joe. I could see both of her parents watching the interactions closely. When we parted, the mother said, "Maybe our daughter needs a sibling. Look at the way they play together. Maybe we shouldn't have met you guys!" Who knows? I told her that I hoped they would soon have more than one car seat in their vehicle. I pray that they do.
As I write this, the three oldest are in the basement playing some game devised by Hannah, detailed by Jacob, and followed by Ben. Little Joe is sitting at the gate at the top of the stairs teetering on the edge of the transition between wanting to be with Mommy and wanting to play with his sibs. How blessed he is to have three older children who will soon usher him into their world and who so exuberantly and exemplarly welcomed him into all of our lives.
I better go though, I hear screaming!
3 comments:
I think I agree, but I wonder E. How do you get past the scarry thought of having the third ... in your case it was the forth. But how do we get beyond that. cjames.
Oh C,
S expressed the same sentiments on the phone a few weeks ago. I remember after the twins being so scared of having another child. This fear lasted a loooonnng time. It was mostly based on my experience with post partem depression and insomnia. I knew that we wanted another child but I was pretty scared. So, I began to pray that God would take the fear away when He wanted to take it away. He did. Just like that I experienced an openness to life that was God-given. Nine months later B arrived. I think that prayer is the only answer. Don't stress and think, "We have to have another child." You two are still recovering from two babies who came very close together. We didn't conceive B until the twins were 2.5 years old. Ultimately, God knows and, if you remain attentive, He'll let you know as well. I guess a surprise baby is always the easiest to discern!! Hopefully this hasn't been overly spiritual but it really was an effort of prayer that brought me to the place where we could have another child. Oh, the birth of your R and little MC were also a kick in the pants that we needed!
we'll get there - I know there are a few more Molys yet to come. Probably not equaling 7 though! Love the blogs by the way!-S
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